14 May Mother’s Day
The following was inspired by my friend Katie’s recent Mother’s Day Facebook post, and I have to say I agree with her 100%. Her sentiments hit the nail on the head, so here is my rendition.
Many of those who have known me throughout my adult life would be able to tell you that it wasn’t till recently that I had the desire to be a mother. As a young woman in my 20’s I had no desire to have kids and there was a number of reasons why.
For starters I spent the majority of my 20’s in a terribly unhealthy relationship, and down deep inside I knew my husband at the time wouldn’t make a good father, due to his numerous addictions, and we were not meant to be together. I was lacking self-confidence and scared I wouldn’t have a good relationship with my children. However, the number one reason why I didn’t want to procreate was because I knew what was involved in being a good mother.
I knew that it meant I could no longer be selfish, and that I was no longer going to be number 1 in my own life, in the life of my husband, or even in the life of my parents. I was well aware of how grandkids get all the love and attention, and that spousal priority drops on the totem pole after a child enters the family dynamic. I also knew that I’d have to sacrifice many of the things I loved to do. I loved my life and my lifestyle, despite being in a crap relationship. I loved my job, my friends, going out for dinner and to parties, I loved traveling and shopping, and going to the gym whenever I wanted.
Seven years ago I broke free of the crap relationship and started new. Over time my confidence grew, and I was entertaining the idea of starting a family with my new husband. We were nervous. We had a beautiful life of travel and luxury, and we both knew it was going to change drastically once a little person became part of the equation.
What I didn’t realize was, when I finally made the cross over to motherhood, just how painless letting go of my old lifestyle would be. The second I got to hold my firstborn child in my arms, my entire life focus changed. It didn’t bother me that I no longer had the option to sleep in, because I am now greeted with early morning cuddles and giggles. Instead of going to the gym, or for a run on my own, I now enjoy practicing yoga at home with my daughters who are growing up with an immense self-awareness, or I find myself smiling ear to ear while I run with them in the jogger stroller as they sing ‘Let it Go” at the top of the lungs. I too, just like my friend Katie, find myself in the kids sections of stores without even realizing it, even though I desperately ”need” new clothes. The late night birthday dinners for friends, are now happily replaced with mid-afternoon BBQ’s or Saturday morning birthday parties for our children, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
As any mother knows, the crossover comes with its challenges, and it’s not all smiles and giggles all the time. Some days I want to pull my hair out, and there are moments when I miss my ”freedom” and the ability to eat a meal, or shower, or make a phone call on my own with some peace and tranquility. The bottom line is I am so very fortunate to be surrounded by so many fantastic friends and family members near and far who are going through the same life changes, and to have made so many new friends by entering into the parenting world.
I may not have always wanted to be a mother, but now I can’t even begin to imagine ever being anything else.
I truly hope you all had a wonderful Mother’s Day celebrating with your own mother, your little munchkins or honoring a special mommy who is in your heart. Becoming a mother has lit the pathway of love and gratitude for me and I, just like Katie, am proud to be part of the club.
(Post by: Heather Starr)